Don't you hate it when you go along in life and people say to trust them and they never seem to keep up a reputation that is worth trusting. I don't know but I have had multiple experiences of placing trust in people and then them taking advantage of it. So up until recently I had resolved to just not trust anyone. If they want me to trust them then they have to show me I can trust them instead of giving them a free ride. This theory of mine actually was working out great. Notice I said "was." Well recently I ran into an instance where me not giving someone trust at first kinda backfired in my face. The person I guess was trust worthy enough to have one of the people I trust most in life say he was trust worthy. I haven't met the kid and under the circumstances there was nothing to trust him with. Well we resolved that he was trustworthy and I need to change my philosophy and just blindly trust everyone.
Well that sounds like a good idea right? I mean that means that I should be able to let myself think that no matter what no one is going to take advantage of my trust and that they won't do anything that I would disapprove of. Ok so that philosophy seemed to go fine for the last couple weeks. I mean I trust boys 3,000 miles away, I trust roommates, I trust friends no matter how new or old they are, I trusted everyone.
Well this new philosophy gained much approval...by everyone but one. Myself. I mean I was trying really hard to follow this new doctrine of mine. Ok so Last night I get fit with a big load of crap. Like life changing, slap to the face, make me want to break down and cry sorta crap. Ok so lets just say I didn't sleep hardly at all last night.
Ok so this morning I'm sitting in English 201. I have my laptop open and I get a couple skype messages from some people. So I start chatting with these two girls. One of them has been my best friend for a while now and the other is Kelsi's roommate. Well we start chatting about the crappy situation I got myself into and all of a sudden the two stories go from being identical to being complete opposites. I am told that things weren't as bad as they seemed to me from one of them and the other says that there is a whole new level of crap that was being covered up. Ok well under my new philosophy I am supposed to follow I should trust both, and both of them are telling em to trust them. How can both be true though? How can I trust both of them if they are complete opposites? Who do I trust? I am so confused and the only person who can answer the truth is never on or willing to chat about it. I just need some answers. My mind is torn, my heart torn more, and my physical capacity is definitely struggling. I wish that things could go better for me...but i guess that's what I get for not being able to decide whether what I was feeling was emotion or inspiration. I can tell you this inspiration I thought I had was definitely just emotion and Heavenly Father chose the only way possible to make me realize it.
That's rough bud. Is there another way for you to get to the bottom of it all? But in regards to the whole trust thing. You can't right out of the gate trust people completely, nor can you go around thinking people will stab you in the back. There is a medium there. Trust more when people earn your trust. There's also a saying, you burn me once shame on you, you burn me twice shame on me. I hope things get better for you. You deserve it. Miss you buddy :) send me a message on skype when you have some time :)
ReplyDelete*HUG* Geoff.
ReplyDeletethanks guys. ya i wish there was a way to get to the bottom of it all but i probably wont so i guess i better get used to living in doubt for a while at least. thanks for the hug nancy. hey sometime i need to talk to you. catch me around sometime
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